1. |
Stuck in Time
03:53
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Your princess phone fell off the hook in 1997
Since then, you haven’t bothered to pick it up
I’m still wearing my old cutoff overalls - overall,
It’s been a bad time since you left my century behind.
My N’Sync cassette melted on the dash of your new car
And you gave away my mix tapes, every one
You cock your hat like Sinatra and turn away - any way
You try to push me out. well, I’ll come back
I don’t know what you’re nostalgic for
But tell me what you’re nostalgic for
And maybe we can both grow up together
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
You play your banjo on the porch in the moonlight
Downing moonshine, making casual racist remarks
I don’t understand your Russian prison tattoos,
But neither do you - you just shut me down with your blocker shades
Listen: I think you’re cool
But listen: I think that time has passed us by, and I am lost… but you’re so confident
Just tell me what I need to be so that I can be with you
I don’t know what you’re nostalgic for
But tell me what you’re nostalgic for
And maybe we can both grow up together
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
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2. |
Hunting Cryptids
03:16
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On a cryptozoological expedition in Iowa,
They say you can see the pterodactyls flying over the interstate.
On a cryptozoological expedition with you,
Turn off our infrared, see each other as we are.
Call up Nessie, invite the yeti for tea,
In a Thunderbird’s Chevy Thunderbird, have a road trip for the unseen.
Sasquatch the navigator makes sure we’ll never be lost or found,
Turn off the nightvision, see us all as we really are.
Did you see that?
Did you hear that?
Did you get that on video?
Hunting ghosts in a haunted house in Vilisca,
See the heavy doors slam, hear the chains rattle and roll,
Keep the camera straight, run the audio as we flee back to our van.
Doesn’t matter what we’ve seen.
Doesn’t matter what we’ve caught.
Leave the equipment, just run as we really are.
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3. |
Dear Warlock
03:38
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The way that you do voodoo scares me so.
Your fortune-telling prowess is infernal.
Your dowsing rod's no fake, but I've made a huge mistake
Saying you weren't the wizard you claim to be.
Oh no.
The serpents in my sheets keep me up at night.
The gremlins in my drawer eat all my socks.
The spiders, bats, and sewer rats, not to mention jungle cats
Make me realize I was in the wrong.
Oh no. Oh no.
If I wept into your beard, would you forgive me?
Would it help to kiss your long, black fingernails?
I'm at the end of sanity from this magic calamity;
I'd do anything to get this curse reversed.
Oh no. Oh no. Oh no.
But now that I think on it, I'll never have to sleep alone again,
And I've been wanting to go barefoot for awhile.
Those spiders, bats, and sewer rats, and especially those jungle cats
Are actually the nicest pets I've had (The nicest friends I've had).
Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
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4. |
Song about Similes
03:37
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It’s like a watch made of cellophane wrapped ‘round your wrist
Keeps pulling tighter and tighter as you twist and flip
And I wonder why you still wear a wrist watch at all
But I don’t ask, and that’s when we start to fall
It’s like a hand bell cut out of stone we touch
And no, it’s not for us, and it won’t sound anyway
I wonder who would carve something so delicate
But I don’t ask, and that’s when we start to fall
It’s like a song you cooked up in a single afternoon
And the brass in your head hummed a secondary tune
And you tore at your hair with each melody that came to life
But you don’t sing, and that’s when start to fall
And that’s where the similes all break down
Keep swirling faster and more lovely, we could never put down the right emotion
A keyboard can’t capture anything
And in the end
This song’s about love and the fictions we write
And the piecemeal blanket to keep us warm at night
In this world we’ve created, but we know all this already
When we don’t sing, then that’s when we start to fall
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5. |
The Apostles
04:24
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Jesus makes fun of our band
From the bar with a drink in his hand
He laughs and shouts
Laughs and shouts
Lilith is our biggest fan
She shakes her hair and claps her hands
And raves about
And raves about
Our new album is gonna be the greatest album
To hit the shelves when it comes out
If it comes out
John the Baptist plays bass in our band
He’s got no head but thirteen hands
He goes all out
He rocks all out
Lucifer drums in the back
At least he does when he doesn’t attack
The kids at the bar
He goes too far
Come to our show, it’s gonna be the greatest show
You’ll ever see, you’ll all see
Cuz we’re the Apostles
Yeah yeah, the Apostles
Last living Apostles, right here on stage
If you call us the Apostles,
Then we'll be the Apostles
Well, we'll be the Apostles whether you like it or not
Jesus took off with our van
The drummer ate the bassist's hands
He drove red lights
They got in fights
So now it's just me in the band
Can't even call it a band
It's only me
And one groupie
Come join the band, it's gonna be the greatest band
You've ever heard, in case you haven't heard
I'm an Apostle
Yeah yeah, an Apostle
Last living Apostle right here on stage
If you call me an Apostle
Then I'll be an Apostle
I'm gonna be an Apostle whether you like it or not
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6. |
From a Doubtful Guest
03:29
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Standing here, nose against the wall
Don’t even notice me at all
Or so it seems
Lying here, against the office door
Ennui will not be ignored
Or are you too bored?
I’ll hide away all our special things
In the pond, in the lake, down the well
You’ll find me in your tureen
Bathing, waiting, being here
I am your doubtful guest
Are you a reluctant host?
I am your doubtful guest
For seventeen years at least, let’s hope for more
Looking up, into the chimney flue
What else is there for me to do
Picking at my shoes
Sound asleep, still walking through the halls
Did you hear me call you
In my dreams?
I’ll chew up all our silverware
And the plates, and the tablecloth too
You’ll find me, but I don’t know where
Standing, posing, being here
I am your doubtful guest
Are you doubtful too?
I am your doubtful guest
If I’m still here when you’re gone
If I’m still here when you’re gone
If I’m still here when you’re gone…
I am your doubtful guest
Are you a reluctant host?
I am your doubtful guest
For seventeen years at least, let’s hope for more
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7. |
Baby, I've Been There
04:21
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You say the moon ain't made of cheese,
You say the stars are out of reach,
You say the moon ain't made of cheese,
Well, baby, I've been there.
You say the sun is just a ball
Made of gas and falderal,
You say the sun is just a ball,
Well, baby, I've been there.
Like that sun will help the moon shine bright,
I'll kiss your lips and make your face alight,
Cuz, darlin', don't know if you know
But I've been there.
You say your past is gone and dead,
While the bones dance in your head,
You say the past is gone and dead,
Well, baby, I've been there.
You say your voice cannot convey
All the darkness of your days,
You say your voice will just betray,
Well, baby, I've been there.
Like a blanket on a mountain night,
I'll wrap you up to make your heart alight,
Cuz, darlin', don't know if you know
But I've been there.
You say you'd like to see the moon,
To pull you out of all this gloom,
You say you'd like to see the moon,
Well, baby, let's go there.
I say the galaxy is ours,
From Pluto to the stars,
I say the universe is ours,
So baby let's go there.
In a rocket ship let's snuggle tight,
All the deep, dark space our love will light.
So, darlin', just say the word
And we'll be there.
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8. |
Secret Lives
03:29
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Roy goes to school 12 hours a day
Working on his MFA and his PHD
Studies every minute that he can,
Yeah, he’s gonna be WC Williams
But he’s writing lyrics on napkins
And he’s drumming his fingers on tables
When his homework’s done, he goes down to the pubs
Roy Gungerfield, secret punk rocker
Roy Gungerfield, secret punk rocker
Roy’s with the band for 12 hours a night
Playing 4-chord punk rock anthems
Practices every second that he can
Yeah, he’s gonna be Travis Barker
But he’s hiding away his cutlery
And he covers up all his notebooks
When the music dies, he drives around in his Aerostar van
Roy Gungerfield, secret psycho
Roy Gungerfield, secret psycho
Roy creeps through the suburbs every weekend
Peeking in windows, sharpening up some spoons
Cruises around every minute that he can
Yeah, he’s gonna be HH Holmes
But he’s getting bored with murder
And he’s looking up recipes
When the killing’s done, he goes down to the cookery store
Roy Gungerfield, secret Iron Chef
Roy Gungerfield, secret Iron Chef
Roy Gungerfield, who the hell was he?
Roy Gungerfield, secret you and me.
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9. |
The Way to Arizona
05:07
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Picking up the tarot cards as we head for the door,
Pentacles and cups lying scattered on the floor,
Hit the gas, leave the futures in our dust.
If I sang out to you in the words of a stereo,
Mix CDs playing loud, transitioning perfectly,
From one lone soul to yours
Would you turn me off, skip the track,
Leave me out of the equation completely…?
Or could you embrace me as we go to Arizona?
Take me with a whiskey and a cactus flower?
The dunes and rattlesnakes we’ll face together,
And our dusty bones will slumber side by side….
Side by side!
Soothsayers chew silver and look to the rising moon.
Druids and witches cast about their runes.
Hit the gas, leave their fortunes behind us.
When you become the teacher you’ve always wanted to be,
Dickinson’s ghost in the background, nodding sagaciously
From one lone soul to yours
Will you kick me out, burn the books,
Turn your face to the cold whiteboard… ?
Or will you embrace me as we go to Arizona?
Take me with a whiskey and a cactus flower?
The dunes and rattlesnakes we’ll face together,
And our dusty bones will slumber side by side….
Side by side!
Check your shoes for scorpions
As the coyotes howl their songs
Keep your papers together
Through this dirty desert whirlwind, I’ll help you cast out all these devils!
So embrace me as we go to Arizona!
Take me with a whiskey and a cactus flower!
The dunes and rattlesnakes we’ll face together!
And our dusty bones will slumber side by side…
Side by side!
Side by side!
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10. |
No Shame
03:32
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I see rainclouds coming up off the sea-foam,
Babe, it's time to get home,
Snuggle up with a good book.
We got a life built on pancake batter,
And I know nothing makes you madder
Than frothy waves to wash it all away.
Is this love at breakfast time?
Can love survive at ten to nine?
Well, here it is, my heart to wake you up.
And it sounds like...
Well sugar-lump, we got no shame,
Which is peachy keen cuz we got no fame,
Nobody cares a wit for what we think.
If I could be so hypothetical
To do something so goddamn heretical,
I'd throw us a wedding, but please don't take my name.
You keep yours, and I'll keep mine,
So when I call you up for dinner at nine,
When you say, "Hello?" my heart will answer back.
And it sounds like...
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John Dingo Williamsburg, Iowa
John Dingo is the musical alter-ego of S.P. Burnham.
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